I ask myself this frequently. Often the question is accompanied by a head shake, either attempting to suss out the sanity of a decision or trying to clear the confusion of a tired, multi-tasking mama brain and truly ascertain what the heck is going on right in front of me. With the current headcount around here, we’re doing a lot!

What I haven’t been doing is sharing. That’s partly because my motivation for writing has shifted a bit. This former Town Mouse has settled comfortably into her Country Mouse role and our experiences don’t feel quite as novel as they once did. That’s not to say they’ve lost their shine completely! They’re just a little less glittery, a little more commonplace, and I’m not always sure what I could say that would be of interest to anyone else.

I also find myself on Instagram more often, sharing our stories in that micro-blogging style that is so quick and easy to dash off. It’s a different kind of accounting, more of a photo album than a journal, and I see the value in both the quick share and the long form. But there’s nothing like a letter from a friend, is there? And that’s how several of you have described your past visits here – like getting the latest news from home. So here we are.

What are we doing?

We are homeschooling! Here we are, heading into our third year of this adventure, our first legal year as Swee has reached the compulsory age of attendance. We’ve purchased a curriculum for the first time, and I’m excited to see how that works for us.

We are keeping bees! They are such amazing little creatures, and I am in awe of how little control I as the “keeper” really have over them. Terrifying and entrancing.

We committed to our chickens, and installed a brand new, standalone coop! I’m excited to take you all for a tour very soon. After I muck it out.

And lest you think we live in some rural utopia here – we are struggling to keep up with the dishes, the laundry, and the weeds. We’ve lost five hens recently, and our little old Schnauzer is wrapping up his final summer. There are some tough decisions coming our way, and more than a few frustrations swirling around us.

But that’s how you write a good letter, isn’t it? You share the real stuff – the good and the difficult.

More soon – on all of it.

 

I drafted this a couple of weeks ago, and never finished or published it. Insomnia and I haven’t run into each other again yet, but I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually, bad penny that she is.

I heard the rooster crow, and made my way from the couch to the kitchen to check the time. It was still too dark to see the wall clock, so the digital numbers on the stove display would have to do. 4:12am. Well, I reasoned, if Pocket says it’s morning, so be it. 

Insomnia doesn’t often catch me; I am too tired from working and mothering and gardening and housekeeping and on and on. When she does manage to snag me, she is cruel. I’ve been awake since two, settling onto the couch just as J was shutting down his game console and heading upstairs. Passing in the night, literally.

What does catch me is indecision. Doubt. Anxiety and uncertainty. We’ve been bumping into each other a lot lately, like that ex-boyfriend you’d rather not see. Did we make the right choice? Why didn’t we do that years ago? I wish we’d known then what we know now. 

And when those strange bedfellows decide to party with Insomnia? It’s a wild ride down the rabbit hole. Makes for a long night.

I’ve learned that if I don’t win the battle quickly, it’s best to take control of the situation by getting up and being productive. I emptied the dishwasher and scrubbed the pots in the sink. Began a load of laundry and got some bread out of the freezer. Made a To Do list of steps toward abolishing the horrors of the rabbit hole. And now I’m on the balcony, drinking coffee and watching a porcupine trundle through the orchard. Quiet, solitary. Deep breaths.